We’ve all done it, probably more than once in our lives and more than likely in our younger years, when our emotional maturity hasn’t quite peaked and those first flutters of love make everything else in the world seem unimportant.
The following scenario will undoubtedly sound quite familiar:
You meet someone and is instant spares. They make you feel like you are walking on air, you want to spend every waking moment with them, miss them when they are away and talk about them constantly. You naturally want to please them and do your best to be the ideal partner, their soul mate, the person they want to be with forever. You go out of your way to like the things they like, you start listening to different music, going to different places and without realising it begin to lose yourself , as you spend all your time thinking of ways to make them happy. Forgetting, in the process, to think about you.
Don’t get me wrong, a successful relationship does require a level of ‘surrender’. You both need to give a large amount of yourself to the relationship for it to progress.
You need to spend time together, enjoy each other’s company, however, it is equally as important that both of you remain individuals.
Although there is nothing wrong with trying new things with your partner and embracing new passions you should never lose yourself, your morals, your interests, and your individuality. By maintaining all of these you will be a better partner and improve the chances of the relationship standing the test of time.
I recently wrote a post on the Top 5 Tips for a Healthy Marriage and included in this was to ‘Be Independent’. The importance of not losing yourself holds true past the early stages of a relationship.
It’s just a little harder to do in the whirlwind that is a blossoming romance.
Here are 5 simple ways you can ensure you don’t lose yourself in a new relationship:
Continue to spend time alone:
In a new relationship, you were likely single prior, which means you had a lot more time to yourself. This sort of time may have felt lonely and miserable when single but it is important to preserve this time even in a relationship. You have to continue to be comfortable on your own, able to entertain yourself and feel strong and secure when by yourself.
I have been with my husband for 9 years in total now and I still look forward to my solo time. My couple of hours of ‘me’ time. I have no intention of ever being without him but being stable enough on my own means I know, no matter what happens, I will be ok.
Spend time with family and friends
Spend time with family and friends….alone. If the relationship is going well then it is likely your partner has met your ‘squad’, and there is nothing more refreshing than your partner getting on with your loved ones. However, it is vitally important to still have time with them alone. Keep up any regular dates and don’t let the relationships suffer.
When we first dated, my husband and I were lucky enough that all our friends hit it off instantly, meaning we could do a lot together as a group. However, there were still occasions when I would have a girly night out without him, and vica versa.
Even now it is something I try to protect. Seeing my parents on my own at times and meeting with my girlfriends as often as we can, doing all the silly girly things my husband cringes at!
Keep up your own hobbies
You may have tons in common with your partner, that may be one of the reasons you connected so well, but there will always be things that each of your like that the other doesn’t. Rather than forcing it on each other, or insisting to get involved, keep those hobbies separate. Have your own thing.
Make future plans as an individual
At the start of a relationship, you will have had your own personal goals for yourself and your future. Although it is a good step in a relationship to start making plans for the future together it is always important to continue setting yourself your own goals separate from the relationship.
Acknowledge each other’s faults
Love it blind is a thing – but I think it is more like Lust is blind. Once you can honestly say you love someone you should have already faced and accepted all their faults.
No one is perfect and when in a fresh relationship there is a tendency to ignore ‘red flag’ or play down each other’s faults. Acknowledging that each of you has faults will allow you to view them as they are – human – and allow you not to put them on a pedestal. Neither of you, are perfect.
If you put in practise the above tips (whether in a new or long term relationship) you will be taking steps to being emotionally independent, which will, in turn, make you a better partner and happier couple.
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